I Will Always be FOR You!

This culture we’re living in, our society, well…we’re just in a weird place right now. Somehow, we all find ourselves in a situation where all we do each day is attempt to determine if someone is for us or against us. This misplaced quest is having a negative impact on who we really are. It burrows into our thoughts which is where our words come to life controlling our actions and thus defining our character. Yet, I’m here to claim that the true character that is deep inside each of us is being held hostage from ever seeing the light of day due to pretty much everyone employing their own personal version of the herd mentality. You know…the “I’m just doing what everyone else is doing” with extra emphasis on the follow-up claiming “Well, they did it first!” Quick question: has “they did it first” ever pertained to anything even remotely positive? Nah, not really.

                  Are you for us or against us? It’s one of the most unanswerable questions someone can ask. To answer honestly, any group or individual would have to list every element of their belief system for someone to discern. In discernment, a person would have to come up with a preset percentage that must be achieved along with a preset level of importance for specific issues to measure against. Since no two of us are completely alike, the result is a split answer noting that I’m for you on these specific issues or items, and against you on these other issues or items. But in today’s culture, we must choose between being “all in” or “completely out.” We crave total commitment and total loyalty (the “all in” judgement) allowing us to be “certain without question” that someone is for us.

                  In life, we all desire to be liked by others. Why? Think about the benefits that come from being liked. Friendship, a sense of belonging, companionship, and a feeling of being loved are just a few that come to mind. When we’re not liked by others, we’ve opened a door to conflict, hate, deceit, anger, and betrayal. Those five feelings all get instantly amplified the minute we feel someone is against us which takes us to a really dark place. But we needn’t experience a negative frame of mind at all. If we can eliminate wondering if people are for us or against us and ask ourselves a better question, we can instantly improve our own mental well-being and become a better person. Truthfully, the only person we should ever ask “are you for me or against me” is the person we see in the mirror each day. That’s the better question. And our response should always be “I’m for you” (talking to ourselves) followed by a commitment to consistently provide evidence each day.

                  I mean it when I say, “I will always be for you!” Why? Because when I’m for another person, I experience peace, comfort, and joy. While it took me some time and a dose of trial-and-error to learn from, I’ve trained myself to be a professional good-finder. I always begin with the premise that there is inherent good in everyone, I just need to find it.

Over time, I’ve developed tried-and-true questions that allow me to locate the good in literally anyone. My favorite, when given the gift of time, is to lead with: You were born. Then what happened? Every single person in this world has a story and my experience has shown me that every person’s life story is absolutely fascinating. I hear the good, the bad, the failures, and the successes. It helps me understand the road they’ve traveled down that brought them to the destination they’re currently at. As they take me down that road, I’m able to pick up on key points or happenings that pointed them in a different direction in life. Might only have been a temporary detour and sometimes the result was blazing a whole new path. There are always some hurdles they’ve had to jump over, and a number of those nuisance speed bumps, but their real story is how they were able to overcome each of them and keep moving forward.

Admittedly, it’s rare that I’m given the proper time opportunity to utilize the “You were born. Then what happened?” method, so most times I default to the 3 questions that consistently produce results. In no particular order, they are: What brings you joy? What brings you comfort? What brings you peace? There’s literally a treasure trove of good in the answers to those questions allowing each of us the opportunity to see the good inside a person’s heart allowing us to proclaim to that person that we are for them. When we tell someone that we are for them, what we’re really saying is that we believe in them. When someone believes in us, we experience a subconscious trigger in our mind that indicates we really don’t want to disappoint anyone that believes in us. The result being that we become a better person based on the “good” that another person found, embraced, and admired in us that we may not have recognized in ourselves.

Is this thought process too “mamby-pamby” or too “feel good” for you? To be clear, I refuse to tolerate any abuse, hate, discrimination, mistreatment, or unkindness whenever I encounter it. My theory is that we experience more than 37 opportunities to find the good for each display of hate, depending on where we’re looking. You should never bypass an opportunity to be for another person, especially when you can experience the benefits of peace, comfort, and joy upon locating the good in that person. And every person has some element of good inside them. Most tend to hide it in their heart. You can help them release it from their heart into their mind by believing in them and being for them. That’s normally all each of us needs…someone to believe in us. Then, we can believe in ourselves and change the world. Always remember, I am for YOU and I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!