We’re Measuring the Wrong Things.

Seems like the only thing we measure consistently anymore are surface metrics. We may still make the attempt to measure character traits like honesty, morals, agreeableness, integrity, ethics, humility, compassion, fairness, forgiveness, faith, caring, generosity, perseverance, politeness, kindness, patience, respectfulness, optimism, loyalty, courageousness, authenticity, and others. Problem facing us these days is that we take all the character trait measurements for the sole purpose of determining a person’s wealth and/or power status (surface metrics).

                  Also seems like current culture is overly attracted to people with lots of money, people with lots of power, people with lots of influence, and people who have a large social media following. It’s kind of like we would prefer that our life be more like someone else’s based on the other persons surface metrics. That’s really what social media provides us, just the surface metrics. I’d venture to say that if every person’s life was exactly like it’s portrayed on social media, we’d all be living in a state of bliss (perfect happiness) or nirvana. So, where’s the lesson in all of this?

                  Honestly, when I was a young adult, I was easily impressed by a person’s job title, the vehicle they drove, what I guessed their income was, the size of their house if they owned one, trips that they took or vacation destinations, who they were friends with, who they influenced, and who they were influenced by, what social causes they supported. Furthermore, at the time, I was quick to adopt the herd mentality simply because it didn’t require deep thinking about any thought processes. My life wasn’t necessarily bad with this type of strategy, but it wasn’t making any quick progress in a positive direction either. This was all before the advent of the internet and social media. It’s different now, but the lesson I learned back then is still relevant for a person’s life today.

                  Enter the power of DTR. DTR is an acronym for Define The Relationship and previously I’ve utilized it to describe that point in time when two people have been dating and one of them wants to know where the relationship is heading. It’s the conversation so many want to avoid because it involves committing to the words they speak and being held accountable to them. That whole accountability piece is what’s so very hard to have hanging over our head. It’s so much easier if we could just keep things the way they are which keeps all of our options open. Think about it, doesn’t the lack of any accountability in life promote complete and total selfishness?

                  This is where this article gets really interesting. Forget DTR having two separate people involved and convert your thinking to a DTR with yourself. That’s right, the person you see in the mirror every day is the person you should be most honest with and have the deepest, well-thought-out conversations with. This finally hit home with me when I turned 30 and asked the person in the mirror what in tarnation I was doing with my life. I wasn’t unhappy. I was disappointed with how quick I was to deny myself accountability as I passed on any attempt to become a person of substance and character. At the time, if someone had asked what I thought about something, my response would have been the one that most of the herd was using at the time. To be sure, my DTR with the person in the mirror did not go well.

But the disappointment it created served as a critical turning point in my life. I began to think about what kind of person I WOULD want to be associated with, and what areas I wanted that person to be held accountable to. I began to develop a thought process associated with what my dream person would look like if I was having a DTR with the person I was looking at in the mirror.

And I changed. I began to look at my own character traits from a new perspective. I used other people’s character traits to pick and choose what seemed most valuable, and practiced to make them my own. I revisited that DTR with the person I saw in the mirror on a regular basis and was able to see improvement in the character traits that seemed to matter most. I became proficient at measuring other people’s character traits and modeling them. THAT’S AN IMPORTANT POINT.

                  When I found character traits that I admired, I MODELED them for use in my OWN life which has freed me from paying attention to the hype on social media while finding people I can admire during face-to-face interaction. I’ve found that non-social media interaction is the path to consistent joy and happiness. Why? Because it’s an opportunity to step away from using surface metrics to measure your life with the unreal lives so often portrayed on social media.

                  No longer do you need to know and be influenced by a person’s job title, the vehicle they drive, what their income is, the size of their house they own, trips that they take or vacation destinations, who they’re friends with, nor who they influence. Those things aren’t as important as the character traits they possess that consistently have a positive impact on our world. It’s when people possess great character traits that surface metrics become insignificant. So, stop measuring social media surface metrics, start measuring solid character traits, and merge those solid character traits into the person you see in the mirror. You’ll live a happier life once you do.  Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!