How can it be that winners never lose?
Paul White's nationally distributed syndicated column, “How can it be that winners never lose?” is published in 22 publications across seven states. This includes the following newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News (MI), SFGate (CA), Seattle PI (WA), Connecticut Post (CT), Laredo Morning Times (TX), Huron Daily Tribune (MI), The Telegraph (IL), and more. In this article, Paul provides a "never lose again" strategy by improving self-talk, focusing on the positive what-ifs, and replacing the fear of failure with the courage needed to seek the win.
All the way back to my youth and continuing into my adulthood, I despised failure. I wasn’t too partial to dumb mistakes either. I’ve always been a competitive person who preferred to win every time with everything. If I failed at something and accepted the failure while moving on with life, I missed an opportunity.
Gradually I realized that studying my own personal failure provided valuable lessons that created improvement. In other words, I learned from my mistakes.
A close friend of mine who owned a successful business used to proclaim, “If you work at my company you can make as many mistakes as you want, as long as you never make the same mistake twice.” What he was indicating was that we all make mistakes and if you learn from a mistake, the mistake itself becomes beneficial. What would the world be like if making the same mistake twice was against the law and violators were placed in an immediate “time-out” and forced to sit in a corner to ponder ways to never make the mistake a third time?
As I continued to study life, I eventually came up with a quote that has served me perfectly ever since: “Winners never lose. They either win or they learn!” I utilize this quote any time I fail to perform up to my potential with everything I do. I continue to make mistakes in my pursuit of being the best that I’m capable of in every area of my life. I continue to learn from those mistakes, constantly improving who I am as a son, husband, father, sibling, neighbor, community member, business owner, volunteer and member of a faith community. Funny, isn’t it? The quickest way to move forward after making a mistake – be it big or small – is to create a personalized lesson based on the mistake that you can learn from.
Fear of failure has prevented millions of people from realizing dreams that were within their grasp. Many try to hide it by saying they’re “risk adverse” but I’m telling you, they are so frightened of failing that they won’t even try. This includes people that are doing everything right and winning, then allow fear to creep into their mind and they end up changing strategy from what got them to the point they’re at. Crazy, right?
Our four kids had some incredible athletic coaches who taught them valuable life lessons about winning and losing, success and failure, and how to learn from mistakes by taking action to prove you learned a lesson. There were also a couple of coaches who allowed fear of losing to guide their strategy, typically resulting in disastrous results. As a family we had a rule for our behavior as spectators, which was, if it wasn’t positive and encouraging it better not be coming out of our mouths.
Still, we all noticed the shift in strategy when we were winning at some point in the game of “trying not to lose our lead” rather than continuing to do what had gotten the lead in the first place. The team ended up losing a lot of games that they could have won. Witnessing that this strategy of playing not to lose over and over was the quickest path to repeated failure, made me realize that a huge number of people in society wake up every day playing not to lose rather than playing to win.
Fran Tarkenton is a former NFL quarterback and a pretty bright guy. I like his quote, “Winning means being unafraid to lose,” suggesting that any person can eliminate fear of failure if they know who they really are. People who know who they really are can utilize their hate of failure to inspire themselves to become better. That’s the difference between hating failure and having a fear of failure. Hating failure creates a path to eliminating it. Fearing failure creates a path that attempts to dodge it, which most often ends in the thing you were trying to avoid (failure).
So, what does it mean to “know who you really are?” It means that you are aware of your personal emotions that trigger fear of failure responses and you come up with a strategy that allows you to accept any future failure as an opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. Most people in our society never make it there. Failure and mistakes have the power to rule their behavior and overwhelm them to the point of giving up and potentially never trying again. It’s at this point that they become successful at developing a self-talk that justifies how playing not to lose is a better option for them rather than playing to win.
Much of this develops people who become an expert in the “negative what if” self-talk strategy. What if it doesn’t work? What if I fail? What if I lose money? What if I lose my job? What if I fall behind on my bills? What if my health takes a turn for the worse? What if the sky falls down?
But you – yes, you – can play to win every single day moving forward and tell fear of failing to take a hike. You can embrace the “positive what if” self-talk strategy. What if I study how others have found success and eliminate any fear of failure? What if I do a great job preparing for success and it all goes according to plan? What if I learn powerful lessons from the mistakes I may make along the way? What if I can help a lot of other people by sharing my path to success?
Here’s the solution. When facing fear of failure, constantly repeat my quote of “Winners never lose. They either win or they learn!” which will inspire you to focus on winning rather than on playing not to lose. Think about how potential failure could impact your life and work smart to minimize negative impact ahead of your effort. Believe in yourself and know that any mistake or failure can be a great learning experience. Focus on “positive what if” right out of the gate and never play “negative what if.” Remember the five P’s (Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance) meaning take time beforehand to be prepared any time fear is attempting to creep into your mind. Know that you can create a lot of positive momentum by being decisive. Don’t over-think, rather, right think to create the courage needed to seek the win. I know it’s poor grammar but, you got this! Now, GiddyUp!
In addition to being a nationally syndicated columnist, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. He offers self-help and culture development to start your journey towards consistent growth and joy. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.