On a scale of 1-10? Bet You’re Less than a 5!
Paul White's nationally distributed syndicated column, “On a scale of 1-10? Bet You’re Less than a 5!” is published in 22 publications across seven states. This includes the following newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News (MI), SFGate (CA), Seattle PI (WA), Connecticut Post (CT), Laredo Morning Times (TX), Huron Daily Tribune (MI), The Telegraph (IL), and more. In this week's article, Paul focuses on the importance of listening—providing valuable advice, techniques, and strategies on how how to improve your listening skills.
In our current culture, patience and understanding (no, those are not the measurements I’m talking about in this articles title) has taken a second and third seat to speed. I’ve already lost some of you because I didn’t reveal what I was measuring in the first sentence. PLUS, you were already strategizing and formulating your position to defend whatever it is I’m measuring before you even know what it is. Seems like NOW might be the perfect time for everyone in society to be placed in a “time-out,” or if you prefer, a “chill-out.” Take a deep breath and calm yourself. I have a great lesson to pass along today.
We all get so worked up when we’re trying to communicate our opinion and others aren’t listening. Is it any wonder? Listening skills are at an all time low at the exact same time that shouting skills are peeking. In today’s culture, if someone doesn’t agree with us, we believe it’s because they’re not listening. After all, we’re right and the primary goal is to convince the person we’re talking to that they should confirm our rightness, totally agree with us, and help us spread the word about how right we logically are. Wow, I feel defeated just writing that last sentence. Strange isn’t it, our attempt to prove we’re right ends up triggering the off button with our listening skills, which leads to an impossible attempt to change someone else’s mind. Lack of listening skills leads us all to an emotional blockade driven there by digging our heels in, heightening our anger and resolve to prove ourselves right and others wrong resulting in a destination that is further backwards from where we started from. What to do?
First thing we all need to do? CHILL! We’re all heated up just thinking about the poor listening skills. Solution? Be the change (yes, YOU) that you’d like to see regarding the value of listening. Yes…there’s incredible value in becoming a professional listener. Psychologists, Psychiatrists, and Therapists offer great examples of the value of listening skills. Their profession depends on their ability to listen. It’s their listening skills that allow them to help people. Helping others may come from offering someone a perspective that differs from the perspective they’re currently stuck on. It’s interesting that professionals never force-feed a new perspective. They calmly help a person see things from a new perspective allowing the person to contemplate the benefits of seeing things from this new perspective, and creating a picture in their mind of the benefits and value this new perspective can offer them. Is that hard? Not really. Can you become a better listener? Absolutely! Here’s how.
To improve and enhance your listening skills, pay attention: focus on the person speaking and eliminate distractions. Maintain eye contact and avoid interrupting. Develop active listening skills by nodding and using facial expressions that provide the person speaking cues that you’re listening to them. Avoid assumptions, jumping to conclusions, or finishing the speaker’s sentences in your mind which will allow you to be open to new information. You can politely ask a person to pause if you need to seek clarification on something being said that you don’t understand. If you do that, resist the opportunity to take over the conversation. Let it resume from where it was.
If possible, and appropriate, you can take notes which helps you keep your mind open to what’s being said and removes the temptation to stop listening as you form what your response will be (be patient). Maybe most importantly, practice some empathy. Attempt to understand the perspective and emotions that are driving the person who’s speaking. This can really help you connect on a deeper level and comprehend their message more accurately.
If you study history, you’ll find proof that the greatest leaders are great listeners. Being a better listener inspires people to listen closer to what you have to say without having to shout. Habit 5 in Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is entitled Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood and I have come to believe in that statement. It provides us all with an excellent starting point to be a part of the change we’d all like to see in the world.
Here’s the test. If you’ve read all the way to here, and you do nothing moving forward…no change…no willingness to utilize the tools I’ve provided in this article…no desire to stop shouting and spewing forth a message that no one will listen to nor act upon, then you didn’t listen to anything I’ve just said, and I win the bet. You’re less than a 5 on a listening scale of 1-10. Frankly, listening skills of 7 or above denotes a person headed for success regardless of their station in life. So, I’m asking, please use the techniques and strategies I’ve shared to become a better listener. It’s only then that the world will become more effective at pursuing a society we can all agree on. And it will all be based on the improved listening skills of all us. Wanna talk? I’m willing to listen. Email me at coach@theanswerdiscovery.com and remember, Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!
In addition to being a nationally syndicated columnist, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. His new book, “The Answer Discovery – How to Change the World by Helping Others…and Ourselves,” is available to purchase today. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.