FOMO or JOMO? YOU get to choose!
Funny how some things work out in life. Back in 2002, my wife and I had the privilege of partnering with my parents to purchase a modest cottage on the famed AuSable River in northern Michigan. My parents had always dreamed of having a place “up north” but were never able to make it happen while raising five kids. We were so thankful that we were able to be part of making their dream come true. At the time, we also shared the dream of an “up north” cabin and were thrilled that we could make it happen through partnering with my parents while our kids were young.
Our sons at the time were 5, 3, and 1 and the memories that were created by all of the unique experiences we had there with my parents will be etched in our minds forever. Dad passed away at the end of 2008 and we sold the place in 2014 when the fragility of my mom prevented her from using the place as we had become accustomed.
Two things really stand out about that time of our lives. The first is that purchasing the place with my mom and dad was pure genius. Why? Because we were able to spend quality time together in the same space at the cottage while maintaining separate homes where we both lived. Separate lives back home, but blended living at the cottage. The second was that when we were there, we lived in the precious moment. Left behind were all the work, school, committee and non-profit board issues. We were temporarily free from worries and concerns of daily life which allowed us an opportunity to breathe fresh air, clear our mind, and recharge ourselves to come back home and get after it once again. It really was a dream come true. That is, until we let FOMO creep into our lives.
FOMO stands for Fear Of Missing Out and it was sports and the travel teams associated with them that goofed things up a little. At first, we were excited to sign our kids up for community run sports. Both my wife and I volunteered to coach teams both as the lead and sometimes as the assistant. We were committed and were teaching our kids about the responsibility of the commitments we make in life. And then, our commitment to sports began to negatively impact our time up north. We found ourselves spending more time at home and less at the cottage.
FOMO increased as our kids aged and we listened to the parents of our kids’ teammates (sports whisperers) that were telling us that travel teams were a must for any athletic success in middle school, high school, and potentially college where your child might be offered a scholarship if they were good enough. Admittedly, it was me that embraced herd mentality and not only wanted to pursue getting our kids on a travel team but wanted them on the right travel team, thus enhancing their college scholarship potential (and their chance at playing professionally someday). Delusional? Yes, I was! It’s true that at this point in my life my character development wasn’t moving forward at all. Problem was, I was choosing to trade all the benefits of having a cottage and allowing our kids to spend lots of time with their grandparents for a “false hope” future. And, goodness sakes, what life lessons were our kids being taught?
I finally found the answers back at the cottage. How? By learning how to manage FOMO and how to use what our kids were witnessing to help them manage the FOMO that they were already encountering in life. All it really took was a simple shift in perspective that took me from FOMO to JOMO. I can explain it best through a story of a friend.
This friend of mine and his wife purchased a condo in northern Michigan. Their kids ages were still single digits age wise at the time, and the family was already experiencing traveling in support of the competitive dance activities that their kids were participating in. They were at that point in life where a significant decision needed to be made as to whether their kid’s activities would rule their time or whether their new “up north” escape would be used to create lifelong family memories that would last long after the adolescent sports experiences faded into the background. Soon after they bought their up north dream condo, my friends wife decided to name the place “JOMO” which would stand for the JOY Of Missing Out! What a beautiful perspective.
They then sat down as a family and rather than focusing on what they might be missing out on, they brainstormed together all the new activities that they could only experience when they were at JOMO. Their condo was near some ski hills where they could learn to ski or snowboard…together. The nearby area was loaded with Northern Michigan beauty where they could hike, swim, bike, hunt for Petoskey stones, attend festivals, make new friends, fish, boat, kayak, and other things that they couldn’t do at home and wouldn’t do if they were pursuing travel sports and activities. They’d be creating a different group of memories. Memories that would always be associated with spending time together with loved ones.
Please understand that travel sports offer wonderful opportunities to grow and develop as a person. Looking back, I feel I would have managed them differently knowing what I know now. And I would have put more emphasis on the life lessons available from spending time away from home with your family and other loved ones.
My goal in writing this article is to inspire and encourage you to pause and spend some focused time thinking about all the ways FOMO impacts your life and then consider what your life would look like if you substituted a “J” for the “F” embracing all the JOY available from actually missing out on things you typically consider as a “must do” so you don’t miss out. Will you do that? I sure hope so! Why? Because, Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!