Who is it that People Value MOST?
One of the PowerPoint slides from a speech I gave over a decade ago exclaimed “It’s the person we are NOT OBLIGATED TO BE that people value most.” What makes that statement profound is that every single day we are all provided multiple examples of evidence to its truth. And the evidence to its truth can sway both ways with one way bringing us great joy and the other leaving us disappointed and wondering what might have been. Approaching the statement from opposite sides will bring some clarity that you can utilize to improve the value YOU bring to others, and the value that is given to you in any experience, big or small.
Has it ever occurred to you that we all set our expectations based on what we think others are obligated to do? Every time we walk into a restaurant, we expect a certain level of service and experience based on what we feel that type of restaurant is obligated to provide. The same occurs when we walk into a hardware store, the post office, a bakery, the grocery store, a vehicle repair business, a florist, the dentist, a gas station, our drycleaner, and more. In fact, it occurs with every interaction we have with other human beings. Our upfront expectations of what we hope will occur determines our final level of satisfaction after an experience’s occurrence. While I know that’s a pretty deep thought process, it’s absolutely true.
A close friend of mine is consistently happy every day regardless of what gets thrown at him. I first asked him if he had always been like that, and he indicated he had. I then asked him how he accomplished his consistent happiness each day to which he immediately responded, “low expectations.” After I chuckled, I look at him and realized that he was completely serious with his response. Further discussion had him sharing that, early on in life he determined that having low expectations was a simple way to near-eliminate disappointment and near-guarantee consistent satisfaction at a high level. Granted, while I’ve always considered this individual to be one of the most intelligent people I know, his “low expectation” thought process is near genius. When I took his thought process out for a test drive, I realized that I wanted to adopt it for use in my own life. So, I did, and it’s been working great ever since.
Back to the person someone’s obligated to be. The intensity of joy can be similar when someone delivers product or service that we feel is beyond what our expectations anticipated. Case in point. When an experience turns out to be beyond what our expectations told us it would be, whether it’s a fast-food joint or an expensive restaurant, the value to our life is the same. The release of positive endorphins and serotonin occurs with both and brings us joy. I also acknowledge that when an experience falls below our expectations of what we feel is the minimal obligation that we should be receiving, it can lead to unwanted disappointment.
So, the first thing I want you to do is think about the way you feel when, without being asked, your kids do the dishes, take out the trash, mow the lawn, shovel the drive, and remember which day is your birthday. How do you feel when your spouse prepares a special meal for you, does your laundry, manages the household finances, and asks to go for a walk? Really…pause for just a moment and think about how you feel when the people closest to you go beyond what they’re obligated to you for. You get that same feeling every time anyone offers you more than what your expectations indicate they’re obligated to provide.
The second thing I want you to do is consider all the opportunities YOU take advantage of to deliver more than what YOU are obligated to deliver. Begin with your family, then continue with friends, co-workers, neighbors, and the people and situations you encounter each day. How often do you personally rise beyond the expectations others have of you? Third thing involves defining the benefits of living a life based on always being the person you’re not obligated to be and creating a written list for reference. After all, THAT’S the person that people value most. The list will be long and should be enough incentive for you to commit to becoming the person that spreads sunshine in a fountain sort of way each day rather than the drain of a person that’s always focused on “what’s in it for me.”
I apologize for kind of tricking you at the beginning of this article into focusing on how YOUR life is impacted by your expectations of how others are obligated to YOU. My honest intention with this article is to inspire YOU to live a life focused on exceeding both expectations of others and what your obligations to others are. It’s the shortest path to living a life filled with consistent happiness and joy! Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!