You can stop it right now! I’m serious!
Paul White's nationally distributed syndicated column, “You can stop it right now! I’m serious!” is published in 22 publications across seven states. This includes the following newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News (MI), SFGate (CA), Seattle PI (WA), Connecticut Post (CT), Laredo Morning Times (TX), Huron Daily Tribune (MI), The Telegraph (IL), and more. In this week's article, Paul shares tips on how to stop negative self talk.
There is absolutely no value in self-rejecting, yet many of us do it several times a day. Why do we allow negative self-talk to enter our mind and act like it’s at a playground? How can we show negative self-talk, which leads directly to self-rejecting, the exit door and give it a good swift kick so it never comes back? I’ve come up with a great idea that involves the wording we choose to let run loose in our minds. Be prepared…cuz I’m going deep on this one.
I was playing putt-putt golf with a friend and their twelve-year-old son. By the fifth hole the son had exclaimed three times that he wasn’t a good golfer, tossing it out every time he missed a challenging putt. I’m thinking to myself, this kid will never be a good golfer if he keeps telling himself that because it appears that he already believes it. He also seems to believe there’s no chance it will ever change. It’s like the Henry Ford quote: “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right!” Poor kid. He had no clue that I was about to focus on changing his thought process about self-rejection forever.
Upon hearing him say, “I’m not a good golfer” for the third time, I asked him a favor. I asked if he could repeat the statement adding the word YET to the end of it. “I’m not a good golfer… YET” he said. Adding one word to the end of a negative statement had changed everything! I then explained that adding the word yet offered hope and possibility, rather than total defeat and sadness due to lack of any hope (without adding the word yet). I then led the conversation over the remaining 13 putt-putt holes to other areas of life that we casually utilize self-rejection before ever giving ourselves a fair opportunity to positively impact any future outcomes we may possibly achieve.
If you ask any of our kids if there was one word they were never allowed to say growing up, they would all respond “Yes. We were never allowed to use the word can’t. If we did, our Dad would explain AGAIN why we weren’t allowed. Dad told us that we always had a choice, and that if we attempted to say can’t, what we were really saying is that we choose not to.” I freely admit that discussion around the importance of the words we use, especially in our self-talk, came up repeatedly at our home. Negative self-talk always led to self-rejection, regardless of the part of life we were referring to. Positive self-talk always led to hope, and possibility turning into probability, and accomplishing things we may not have been sure we could do in the beginning. One day I found a fun way we could all hold each other accountable.
Being a big fan of the author Jon Gordon, I was thrilled when I read his book “The Positive Dog” in 2012. The premise is that we all wake up each day with two dogs, the positive dog and the negative dog. The one that controls our day is the one we feed the most allowing it to overpower and eliminate the other one for that day. We all loved reading it and bought into its thought process. This led to all of us holding each other accountable for any negative self-talk or self-rejection by asking each other “Which dog you feedin’?” which acted as a reminder to the total lack of any value offered by going negative…with ANYTHING. Do you think that seems harsh? It’s not, because it works…every time.
Sooooo, do any of these sound familiar? They’d never hire me. I’ll never make the team. My resume isn’t very good. I’ll never be able to travel to my dream locations. I could never run a 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon. I’ll never get good grades. I could never speak in front of a group of people. I could never handle having a child with disabilities. I could never be a manager. They’ll never respond to my email. I just flat-out can’t sing, dance, or act. I could never write a book (even though I’d like to). I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. They’d never date me. They’d never marry me. I’ll never get a good job. I’ll never get promoted.
JUST STOP! You need to eliminate this type of wording and self-rejection from your life forever.
How? Create a new thought process (like the Positive Dog), implement it into your life, and practice it each day until it becomes routine/habit. Kick all the crappy negative stuff out the back door into the trash can. Catch yourself when you try to let the negative back in to your thoughts by asking yourself “Which dog you feedin’?” and immediately toss some food to the positive dog (buy Jon Gordon’s book “The Positive Dog”. It’s worth it).
Look, if science and data have proven anything over the thousands of years man has been around, it’s that each and every one of us was gifted with the ability to think, learn, understand, implement, grow, improve, and prosper. YOU, yes YOU, are an incredible human being, capable of much more than you think you are. Have the confidence to show the world what the 90% of your personal iceberg that isn’t yet visible can do rather than the 10% of what they think they see.
Eliminate self-rejection from your life and live out your dreams. Hey…I Believe In YOU! GiddyUp!
In addition to being a nationally syndicated columnist, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. His new book, “The Answer Discovery – How to Change the World by Helping Others…and Ourselves,” is available to purchase today. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.