OPINION: We treat strangers like friends, and friends like family
Paul White's nationally distributed syndicated column, “OPINION: We treat strangers like friends, and friends like family” is published in 22 publications across seven states. This includes the following newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News (MI), SFGate (CA), Seattle PI (WA), Connecticut Post (CT), Laredo Morning Times (TX), Huron Daily Tribune (MI), The Telegraph (IL), and more. In this week's article, Paul shares how he acquired one of his favorite life tools—a strategy for developing win-win relationships and bringing positive joy and happiness into your life.
When I was seated at a local chain restaurant, the chair I chose had me staring smack dab at a saying up on the wall I was facing that declared “We Treat Strangers like Friends, and Friends like Family.”
Throughout my entire meal I kept staring up at it and thinking about the value contained in the words that were placed in that particular order. The saying, utilized as a marketing tool for the “down home” food being offered, connected with me when I realized that the thought process it provided had had a powerful impact on relationship development throughout all of my adult life. Allow me to explain.
Early on in adulthood I came to embrace the words typically found in a courtroom “Innocent until proven guilty” each and every time I met someone new. Every time I met someone new, I embraced the experience as a privilege believing that I had a chance to experience the uniqueness of the person I was meeting for the first time. While unable to predict if that person would have a profound impact on my life, right from the get-go, I assumed that they would. This helped me develop questions that would help me determine another person’s best character traits. Questions like “What brings you the most joy in life?”, “What do you like most about your family?”, “What has led to your greatest successes in life?”, What do you like best about the company you work for?”, “What’s the best part of the community you live in?”, or “What role does faith play in your life?” have worked very well in quickly learning about what makes a person who they really are.
I’m offering full disclosure when I admit that early on in the process of asking these questions I wasn’t necessarily as interested in the answers being offered as I was in sharing MY answers with the person I was engaging with. Some close friends helped me navigate past this flawed strategy constantly reminding me that we’re all given one mouth and two ears and should always use them accordingly. It didn’t take long before I realized that there was real treasure in listening to other people answer the questions I was asking and no real value, for either of us, in telling my answers to my own questions (other than to prove I had an inflated ego). That’s when the magic began. The answers to my questions were providing me with great opportunities to learn valuable life lessons.
Many of the lessons pointed me in the direction of acquiring “life tools” and “thought processes” that were working well for others and could easily work well for me. In fact, the more interest I took in someone’s answer to my questions, the more information they would share. They were willing to deeply describe what was working best in their life.
As time went by my questions improved. I developed a sense of when a particular question might make someone uneasy answering given their path, or current situation, in life. I soon created recovery questions that could move a conversation in a new direction, such as “If you had a magic wand, what would you change first about our world?” or “From your point of view, what are some things a company could do to improve its culture?” or “What are your favorite ways to spend your free time?” with all of these moving us back to the original intent of meeting anyone new, which is getting to know them better and looking for the very best character traits they possess. You can probably see why I became fixated on the saying up on the wall of the restaurant claiming: We treat Strangers like Friends, and Friends like Family.
So, has this strategy of always believing that someone is good, moral, ethical, kind, compassionate, and honest right from the start ever backfired and allowed me to be taken advantage of? Absolutely! But it would be difficult for you to suggest a strategy that has a 99 percent success rate isn’t one that should be enthusiastically embraced. Admittedly, it could be that my strategy brings out the best in people when they’re interacting with me. Others who prefer the reverse “guilty until proven innocent” strategy in life completely miss out on any chance of learning from engagement with others. That’s just sad. While I may have been taken advantage of financially, emotionally, and intentionally, all of those instances together are but a grain of sand on my never-ending beach of joy. I don’t allow the negative to matter. Plus, if by chance I’m ever taken advantage of, that’s on them, not on me.
My concern and my hope in writing this is all about YOU. This article is providing you a real opportunity to acquire a life tool that can bring some positive joy and happiness in your life. Go back and read the questions that I shared with you earlier above. If there’s any chance you like having lots of fun, begin to utilize these questions with strangers you’re meeting for the first time with a goal of creating a friend who will one day become similar to a member of your family. Additional fun can be had by practicing on current people who feel like family, and close friends. Think about the definition of practice: do repeatedly, work at to gain skill, do habitually. That third one, do habitually, is the primary goal with the motivation of all that you’ll learn when naturally asking the questions and carefully listening to how people respond. So, practice. And then practice some more until it becomes a natural part of who you are. The rewards are tremendous, and YOU are worthy of tremendous rewards and joy. Not given, but earned with a strategy of really caring about all other people and acknowledging that every person’s life matters and has great value to the world.
In addition to being a nationally syndicated columnist, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. He offers self-help and culture development to start your journey towards consistent growth and joy. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.