C’mon… Get off that fence
This week’s syndicated column “C’mon… Get off that fence” is published in the following Michigan and Illinois newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News, The Edwardsville Intelligencer, Huron Daily Tribune, Jacksonville Journal-Courier, Manistee News Advocate, and Big Rapids Pioneer. The article focuses on how, as adults, we sometimes (in life) choose to “sit on the fence” due to fear of commitment and failure. I invite you to read on to discover my strategy that will get you off the fences you're currently sitting on.
Back in the day, there was a game called “Kick the Can” which was played outdoors with other kids from the neighborhood. The more you played, the better your chances were at winning. This was due to the learning curve that developed from different strategies you observed others utilizing, and a lot of your own trial and error.
One of the best parts of the experience was that you could fail, lose the game and then just start over again. There weren’t any penalties caused by losing. In fact, there were benefits gained by having another opportunity to identify what didn’t work. Then you could try something different, determining if it was a better strategy or not in your quest to win.
It really wasn’t a game you kept score in. Winning just meant that someone else was chosen as “it” and you started all over again. It was a game, interacting and working with others (especially if you ended up in “Game Jail”), which offered a lot of life lessons in a lot of different areas of life.
Fast forward to adulthood, where it appears we’ve forgotten many of the lessons learned from “Kick the Can” and have allowed the game to become something commonly referred to “Kick the Can Down the Road.” While this new game is mostly played by ourselves, sometimes it includes spouses, kids, friends, neighbors, co-workers and more. The rules appear to involve sitting on a fence with a fear of committing to get off the fence on either side. The sides are clearly different and that’s where the self-created stalling rule comes into play. Stalling allows us to kick that can into the future, knowing we’ll have to address it again, but providing temporary relief from having to commit to a side that may result in failure. Three words stand out in this paragraph: fear, commitment and failure. So how do we overcome fear of failure, and embrace commitment?
Two of the many things I admired about my dad was he worked hard to become an expert in the dry cleaning and laundry industry; he loved helping others. As his work life matured, I realized he would be a fantastic consultant in the industry he had spent all his career in. When I suggested this to him, he shared that he had freelanced consulted a few times and found it to be a waste of time. Stunned, I asked why he felt that way. He explained the people that would hire him to consult were making a decent living and could afford to hire him. My dad had the ability to study their financials, analyze how they compared to industry benchmarks and provide a strategy to increase both sales and profit. The people would pay him, thank him and then wouldn’t implement a single strategy he had shown them, even though he had proven it would greatly increase sales and profits. Why? Because:
They were already making a decent living.
They feared that the changes Dad had suggested required changing the way things were
Any change required commitment.
It was easier just to kick the can down the road. This reflected that they were sitting on a fence defined by one side not being where they really wanted to be, and the other side representing that things really weren’t all that bad.
Think about it. On a bad to good scale of 1 to 10, where’s the worst place to be? Most would say in the 1-2 range…and they’d be wrong. Circumstances that fall in the 1-2 range lead to people getting off the fence and saying “Enough! I can’t take it anymore” which leads to action to alleviate the problem.
The worst place to be is actually having circumstances place you at a 5, which means you’re sitting on a fence without any incentive to get off. You’re not where you want to be (8-10 range) and things aren’t bad enough to take action (1-2 range) and so you kick that can down the road, convincing yourself that the best course of action is no action whatsoever. It’s a direct refusal to acknowledge the pain of mediocrity. Every person on this earth is destined to live a life that is defined by “way more” than mediocrity.
Fence sitting is fueled by avoidance, and then prolonged by kicking that can down the road. So, I'd like to provide you with a strategic plan to get you off the fences you’re currently sitting on.
First, relax, find some calmness and assess the current areas of your life that have you sitting on a fence, the fence representing not being where you want to be, but not painful enough that you feel a call to action (5 – the worst place to be). Recognize that one side of the fence represents fear of failure, and the other side represents commitment to action. Also, acknowledge that commitment to action allows for the possibility of failure just being one step closer to success of being where you want to be (8-10 range). Then, get off that fence on the commitment side. Never accept “inaction” or “doing nothing” as a viable choice that will get you off that fence. It won’t!
Truth is, if utilizing this strategy correctly, life gets more exciting, fun and worthwhile, regardless of the initial outcome because you’re no longer on that doggone fence (remember…the worst place to be).
Want to eliminate all fence-sitting in the future? Acknowledge the very real pain fence-sitting causes and, after experiencing some success with the plan to get off your fences on the commitment side, anchor the mindset and let your subconscious take care of it from this day forward. Don’t be like one of those people my dad attempted to help. And don’t even think about kicking that can down the road! Make the commitment and take action now! GiddyUp (and get off that fence)!
In addition to being a syndicated columnist in the midwest, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. He offers self-help and culture development to start your journey towards consistent growth and joy. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.