Different or similar? Which do you go to first?
This week’s syndicated column “Different or similar? Which do you go to first?” is published in the following Michigan and Illinois newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News, The Edwardsville Intelligencer, Huron Daily Tribune, Jacksonville Journal-Courier, Manistee News Advocate, and Big Rapids Pioneer. The article focuses on what occurs in your brain whenever you meet, hear, see, learn, or experience someone or something new. Does your brain go right to the differences or the similarities first? Neither auto-response is right nor wrong, but your response in situations can reveal your true personal character.
The brain is such an amazing thing. Throughout our life, we are constantly training it by providing it new information we acquire each day from a multitude of sources. Much of the information is absorbed subconsciously, allowing our brain to process anything new without the necessity of deep thought.
Other information that we add to the files in our brain comes from deep conscious thought that challenges and enhances what we’ve previously thought. We all possess the “ability gift” of changing our mind on anything when new information provides us a new perspective. It’s how we fuel our wisdom as we age.
Today, I’d like to focus on what occurs in your brain whenever you meet someone new, hear something new, see something new, learn something new or experience something new. Does your brain go right to the differences or the similarities first? Neither auto-response is right nor wrong, but the response you have in given situations can reveal your true personal character.
Noticing differences in others first can be wonderful if the differences evoke compassion, love, caring, helpfulness and support. This can occur whenever we realize that someone is suffering in an area that we aren’t, or possibly an area that we have previous experience with. If it immediately creates a desire in us to help…well, that’s a really good thing that shows incredibly good and solid character.
If you first notice differences in others that evokes hate, frustration, dislike, bigotry and prejudice, you may want to consider re-configuring the paths your neurons are traveling down considering the current path doesn’t provide any joy nor happiness and certainly doesn’t speak well of your character. (Don’t worry, I provide hope and a plan later in this article, if your brain is stuck in this type of perspective.)
Noticing similarities in others first can be wonderful if the similarities evoke compassion, love, caring, helpfulness, and support. One place you can experience this bundle of goodness is volunteering at a homeless shelter. The differences that separate you from the people you’re serving are few and the similarities are abundant. You immediately have an option over which you allow your brain to focus on. Your personal character grows when you realize there’s actually very little separating the daily lives we all live.
Noticing similarities for the purpose of enhancing ourselves or our lives over others can be destructive behavior that can’t possibly support solid character growth. An example might be: I love coffee. I’m drawn to others that love coffee. Anyone who doesn’t love coffee like I do is flawed and doesn’t deserve any respect and understanding while I surround myself with people I’m similar to. The old saying “Birds of a feather, flock together” can strengthen personal character (act as a springboard) or weaken personal character (act as a crutch). Good news is that that beautiful brain of ours is capable of understanding when to embrace similarities and when not to, why it’s so important to differentiate and how to utilize the embracement to further build our personal character.
A personal example is that we have been given the privilege and gift of having a child with down syndrome. He’s currently 23 years old. We’ve experienced people, young and old, to be immediately focused on the visual differences, which, strangely enough, represent less than 1% of what he shares in common with them.
When our son was young we would ask his peer group to help us list all the things he had in common with them. Two eyes, one nose, two ears, a nose, a mouth, 10 fingers and 10 toes, hair on top of his head, the ability to laugh and cry, daily hunger and thirst, and on and on. When we’d ask what’s different, the only thing they could say was that he had down syndrome. This discussion provided us an opportunity to help develop positive character traits in children by teaching them early on in life they have the ability to choose what they notice first, and that first looks rarely offer a complete picture of any person’s life.
Isn’t it hard to accurately determine someone else’s true character when we immediately begin with either attraction or distancing based on differences or similarities? How many enlightening conversations or friendships have we missed out on because we were quick to judge based on visual differences or similarities? What is the impact on our own personal character resulting from the way our subconscious has been trained to immediately categorize others? All great questions. How about some answers?
First of all, there’s an abundance of hope. My goals in writing this column were to make you think, determine how you perceive your own personal character and if you’d like to improve how you’re defined and provide you a path forward that may at first seem challenging and uncomfortable; this provides rich rewards for all willing to utilize the “stick-to-itiveness” that your wonderful brain is loaded with.
So, how do I consistently increase my personal character? Just like with anything else in life: practice! How do I create a practice plan?
Every time you leave your home each day, you leave with a new set of eyes – eyes that are willing to be open to seeing things from a new perspective on all the things you struggle with (in other words, things that don’t reflect the character of the person you really want to be).
Never judge another, accepting that you will never have enough information about them to even come close to being accurate in your assessment.
Resist being attracted to an individual or a group based on either differences or similarities. Be attracted to others with the curiosity of all the ways this may enhance your personal character.
Finally, allow that incredible brain of yours to sort it all out and put it into use for who you really are. It was designed to do just that.
I saved the best thought for last. You’re not allowed to be frustrated with me that, in the title of this article, one of the choices wasn’t love. Think of what this world would be like it we all went immediately to love regardless of the differences or similarities we first notice. Let’s all go first to love and practice it every day. Downside of doing this? None! Love can develop solid personal character quicker than anything else. Let’s all turn the reigns of our brains over to love and tell ourselves to GiddyUp!
In addition to being a syndicated columnist in the midwest, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. He offers self-help and culture development to start your journey towards consistent growth and joy. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.