You Hypocrite!
This week’s syndicated column “You Hypocrite!” is published in the following Michigan and Illinois newspapers and digital publications: Midland Daily News, The Edwardsville Intelligencer, Huron Daily Tribune, Jacksonville Journal-Courier, Manistee News Advocate, and Big Rapids Pioneer. This article touches on a life lesson I (Paul) learned after breaking my neck—when you choose to live a life focused on helping others, what happens when they try to help you? How will you react? I invite you to read my latest article to discover the answer.
When you pursue life with a whole bundle of energy each day, you’re bound to make mistakes. My pursuit of life is super-charged, which means sometimes I learn lessons the hard way. And that’s okay as long as I’m able to anchor that lesson in my mind so I can pull it out at any time in the future that’s appropriate. I’d like to share an important life lesson that I learned the hard way in hopes that you can learn it the easy way and put it to immediate use in your own life. In other words, I’m trying to help you.
Helping others has always been a major and important part of the way I choose to live this life I’ve been given. At the root level, the inspiration for helping others involves both selfless and selfish motivations. Selfless from the point of the benefits that others receive when we help them and selfish, in some sense, from the incredible benefits we receive when we help others. The benefits others receive from our helpful actions are self-evident and occur immediately and may have long-lasting impact. The benefits we enjoy from helping others includes an instant release of serotonin (a natural drug contained in all of us that brings joy, happiness and a feeling of well-being), but it’s more than that with data showing that our entire life will be more meaningful, healthy and happy.
The more I studied the win/win scenario that was created each time a person helped another person, or group of people, the more excited I was to share this information with others offering proof with an increase in the number of opportunities I personally pursued to help others. You’d have thought I had found the actual “fountain of youth!” Taking advantage of the privilege of speaking to a wide variety of groups on a regular basis, this “helping others” discovery quickly became a focus topic that I covered diligently in my attempt to inspire others to make “helping others” a priority in their life based on the huge Return On Investment (ROI) that resulted for both the selfless and selfish sides of the equation that always equaled a win/win. There’s no downside!
As time went by, this “helping others” mentality began to have a positive effect in all areas of my life. It helped strengthen my marriage, my parenting skills, my co-worker relationships, my friendships and my personal character. I decided that I wanted to take this to a whole new level and spent some time thinking about how being a “professional helper” would be defined. I came up with the following: A professional helper helps others, applying the skill sets and assets they have accumulated, without regard to any judgement, other than every person on this earth is a child of God and therefore equal. It was really that simple for me, or so I thought.
Several years ago, my wife and I were humming along in life helping others, teaching our children the power of helping others and leading by example in showing everyone else the true-life-value derived through helping others. Then I broke my neck. In the emergency room I was told that if they didn’t perform emergency surgery I would most likely end up a quadriplegic. They operated on a Sunday, inserted and attached a three-inch titanium plate to my vertebrae, successfully shifted my spinal cord back in place and told me to behave during recovery (I have a little bit of rebel in me). During recovery is where I really messed up with my “helping others” solutions for what ails a person in life. Hang with me here.
As soon as word got out that I had broken my neck, was in trouble, had major surgery and was attempting to recover, the “help” began to pour in for our family. Cards, emails, text messages, phone calls, meals, food, shopping for us, cutting our grass and dozens of other forms of support and love. At first, I was extremely grateful, but then it got to the point where it was almost overwhelming. Then I got the fool-hearted idea in my mind that I always wanted to live life as the helper, not the helpee! I began to decline help that was being offered. I asked my wife to begin declining meals that people kept bringing, even though they were extremely helpful to our family.
It was then a close friend came to visit. He endured about 10 minutes of my whining about all the help we were receiving and how we were people that didn’t need help anymore. We could be self-sufficient and self-dependent. I was going to recover, if the world could just be patient, and then I could get back to what floated my boat everyday: Helping others, not having others help me. After about 15 seconds of stone-faced silence, he loudly blasted me with two words: “You hypocrite!” He paused then continued, “You’ve been proclaiming for years the benefits that helping others provides, and here’s an opportunity where people have an opportunity to enjoy those incredible feelings you’re always talking about, and you’re going to sit here and deny them that? You? The person that told them to do it? You, sir, are the biggest hypocrite I know.” My initial reaction to his claim went from being stunned, to a feeble attempt at denial, to a feeling of "Dang…he’s right," to the final feeling of fear thinking what have I done, and how do I correct it.
It’s good to have friends that know you well enough that they’re allowed to call you out when you’re clearly making a mistake that you can’t see. I instantly came to realize that my “helping others” life tool works at its highest level when it’s a two-way street. I learned this life lesson the hard way, but YOU don’t have to. If an opportunity to help someone presents itself to you, pursue it. If an opportunity for someone to help YOU presents itself, allow the other individual to experience the joy and satisfaction of helping another person. If you’re in the midst of, or recovering from, a health issue, financial hardship, loss of someone you love, frustration with work, job loss, shock loss, or anything you may be hurting from emotionally, and someone reaches out with a helpful hand, know that you’re doing them a favor by gently accepting their help. All you have to do is just say those two perfect words “Thank You.” So, don’t be a hypocrite like I was. Help others when you can. Accept help from others when you can. The combination of those two intentional choices will make for a consistently wonderful life. Remember, I believe in you! Now GiddyUp!
In addition to being a syndicated columnist in the midwest, Paul White is an author, motivational and inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, podcaster, and life coach located in Midland, Michigan. He offers self-help and culture development to start your journey towards consistent growth and joy. If you’re interested in getting in touch with Paul, please submit an inquiry via our Contact Page.